I want to begin by saying I hate not having you call me everyday with some weird message on my work phone. I have told a few people, but one time he left a message from the song "Brush Your Teeth" by Raffi on my work voicemail. I had missed work so when I checked my messages it had been saved. Well I over heard the ladies in the office next to me saying, "Jeremy has such a weird song on his voicemail!" You'll have to download this song to understand. There was never a dull moment with him.
He always had the worst luck. He could have the craziest stuff happen to him that was unbelievable but true. But he still would wake up everyday and keep trying. If people didn't know, he was very happy with his life. He finally had everything going good for him. He would call me everyday telling me how he got something new for his computer or a new song he heard on the radio. He was finally relieved.
I hate that he had certain things kept from him, whether it was secretive or not. I know for a fact he would have been proud to have known. He was proud of all of his achievements! But I also know he was the type of person that kept quiet about his personal life. I had to bug the crap out of him cause he would beat around the bush for almost 20 minutes to tell me certain stuff.
He definitely had his quirks and had his sayings that will all stick with us the rest of our lives. I find myself saying some of the goofy things he would say. I just want everyone to know he loved his life and everyone in it. He will be truly missed by all. I can honestly say out of all my friends you have been the best!
It's strange how bad things happen to good people. We had our problems over the years, lots of them. As any couple who marry young. I recall one particular argument where we both ended up crying like little snot nosed kids. We ended up sitting on our bedroom floor holding eachother and talking things out. See, no one else could ever hurt my feelings so badly or make me feel so safe.
I think that's what makes losing you so hard. I have your every mannerism memorised. The sound of your voice, under all circumstances. Your Degree antiperspirant. Watching you check your feet for problems before bed each night. Watching those long fingers of yours fly across a keyboard. Your kisses. The way you would pace back and forth as you talked on the phone. The very minutia that was you.
On January 1st, we sat in your car in the apartment parking lot talking. I remember leaning in to give you a kiss and blurting out "I love you.". You looked stunned. That deer in headlights look set off the worst panic attack I'd ever had, and you ended up on your knees on the oily blacktop in front of me, crying right along. Thank you.
The other side of love, just watching you play with Kee. You were so proud of him and I could see it. A blind man could. Acting like a kid on the wooden bridge at Pitts Park to make him giggle. You gave him that Ty Monkey and he accidentally hit you in a delicate place with it while he was spinning around in circles, throwing a temper tantrum. Your eyes watered and you looked a bit purple in the face, but after a few minutes you scooped him up and gave him a hug. Using the Speak N Math with him and building his race track toy. Shouting "PANTS! I NEED MY PANTS!" when he was trying to dress himself the first time. He says that now, wanting to be like you. Wearing your boony hat even though it's ridiculously huge on his head haha. Thanks to you he knows the words to David Hasselhoff's 'Du'.
You're missing out on your Mini Me. Her ears and the way she wrinkles up her forehead. Can't shake the feeling that you'd find that unbearably cute. Hopefully you're watching over all of us. I'd like to think that you're sort of here in your own way, just hanging out and soaking it all up. Popping by for visits with family and friends.
Miss you, Doogie. So, so much.
Well it has been almost three weeks since we lost Matt. It has been hard for me as I'm sure it has been for everyone. I think about him often and I really miss him. He always knew what to say to me whenever I went through difficult times. I have other friends that are amazing but none that even come close to comparing to Matt. I realize that now whenever I go through something difficult and he's not here to talk to me! He knew that I appreciated him but I don't think I ever told him enough how thankful I was and still am to have him as a friend. I will never forget all of the long talks we had when we both lived at the apartment a few years ago. We were both night owls and whenever he was up I loved to just sit and talk with him for hours. He always made me feel better, no matter what was going on in my life. I will never forget all of the random times that we were both up until the crack of dawn just talking until the point where we both got so delirious that we passed out. I lost a great friend three weeks ago and I know that the type of friend that he was to me can never be replaced! I will always remember the good times and it makes me feel better to know that he is in a much better place and I can't wait to see him again in heaven!
I still remember the IM I received from Matt regarding needing a tester for levels I was making for a game we both played at the time (shadow warrior). We quickly became friends, sharing similar interests in technology, gaming, and our desire to work in the IT field. The late nights when we would spend playing games together laning our PCs at my mother’s house, inevitably it turned more into testing the limits of our PCs than it was about the games. He always had a great sense of humor, a sense of humility, and respect for others that made me look up to him. Matt always had a place in my heart as one of my dearest friends, and is responsible for a large part of who I am today in my professional life and my personal. After I moved away our friendship was limited phone to calls, and lunch when I was in town. I'm going to miss him, much like anyone who was lucky enough to have known him in life.
Matthew is my cousin. His father is my Uncle Bobby. All of us cousins spent alot of time at our grandmother's house. I remember at nearly every family function growing up that Matt was right there with us little ones keeping an eye out for us. Keeping us safe. I remember one time we all wanted ice cream and he walked us all the way to McDonalds from our Granny's house. He was like my big brother. He was the one I looked forward to seeing every holiday. He gave really warm hugs. He was a very genuine person and always had a smile on his face. Always. I looked up to him. I miss him very much. We love you, Matthew.
