Matthew Douglas - Online Memorial Website

Hey brother...  Another day and I am still on this miserable rock.  You are always on my mind.  Today I lost a friend I thought was cool like you and I lost Michelle last year and everyone and everything is gone.  Feels like anyone I care about dies or hurts me and leaves.  Its like a sick joke...  I wish the joke would end.  I wish I could talkto tyou so bad...

Hey brother.. I miss you so much. Really wish I could talk to you right now. I lost my heart and soul when my wife Michelle Rush.  I told her all about you. We kept your hat in our car so you could be with us.  She left June 22nd to go to the store and didn't come back.  I kept calling her phone and she wouldn't answer.  Finally a state trooper picked up and asked me for my location and I knew that couldn't be good.  When they got to me and he pulled her phone out to give me I knew I lost her...  I felt every bit of my life drain out of me and I can't come back from this pain.  I was supposed to keep her safe.  I should have went to the store not her.  I don't want to be here anymore without her.  I don't know how to shake this pain.  I've made a mess of everything.  I lost everything and I'm not well.  Been hospitalized 3 times since and I just can't feel better.  I know I have to stay strong for everyone but I am not sure I can.  I am trying to carry on what she would want me too but time isn't healing anything.  I wish you could come over and talk to me.  You were always here for me and I miss you.  You would have liked Michelle. She was the fire in my engine and my reason to push through anything.  I would never let anyone hurt her.  I feel like I failed her now as each day goes by that I wake and she is not laying on me.  I have nightmares when I do sleep and then I wake to the nightmare of the reality that I didn't save her and she is gone now.  She didn't deserve this and neither did you.  If I could give my soul for both of you to come back and live I would.  You both deserved it more than I do.  Michelle lost her mother last year and she describes the pain she felt in this attachment I am including in this message to you.  I love you brother.

I know you probably know this but I miss you like crazy and still think of you often. I wish you were still here. I remember I could talk to you about life when it got crazy and you just listened. You didn't judge or critized-just listened, I mean really listened. You know what's crazy? Because of you, me and Marla are the best of friends. We talk about that all the time. Man, I wish you were still here. I wish I could just call you up and meet for lunch or go see you. I know I will see you again someday but that seems so far off. Love and miss you!

I haven't posted anything on here in a while but I still think of Matt often!  I know that he is in a wonderful place!  I can still remember the sound of his voice and the way he laughed.  It's amazing how someone can leave such an impression on your life and you never, ever forget! 

Matt....I just wanted you to know that I miss you.  Do you remember the time we were talking and you were encouraging me to follow my dreams and to not doubt myself so much?  Well, I finally took your advice!  I'm in nursing school now and will graduate in April of next year.  It is hard, but I'm making good grades and will be starting clinicals in a few weeks.  There is a guy in my class that reminds me so much of you that it is unbelievable!  I am in a relationship with an amazing guy and we have been together for 2 years now.  He is a great guy and I think you would be really happy to know that he treats me well, unlike other men that I have dated in the past.  I have talked to him about you a million times.  I don't think you ever really realized how much of an impact you had on my life.  You were always honest with me and never told me what you thought I wanted to hear.  All of the advice that you gave me throughout our friendship was perfect.  I couldn't have asked for a better friend and I miss you so very much!!!

We are missing you so much. Every day I think about you and a smile isn't far behind. You were such a piece of my heart and always will be. I have a lot of great memories, but the one that touches my heart the most is when Mom (Granny Douglas) was in the hospital on life support you were right there with me. And you helped me get through it some how. That is what I remember most was your heart. It was an amazing heart.....I love you sunshine.